A Mass-Murderer until I Facebooked

I find it seemingly naive and obtuse to assume that a non-Facebooker might be considered "suspicious" or a possible mass murderer simply because they do not own a Facebook account. Sure, we are all so connected these days. Can't live without the Internet connection. Heaven forbid if we lost our smartphones. Then there's Twattar, Pinterest, and Instagram. OMG we have so many friends. Yet we still suffer from the crippling social consequences of facing a screen rather than actual human contact which makes us more susceptible to brazen acts of stupidity. Say, uploading a picture of yourself and your buddies smoking pot during Christmas over a background of baby Jesus and turkey dinner. What gives?

Is being on Facebook really that important? How would my employeers or romantic suitors view me if I do not own a Facebook account? Am I psychopath? Do I have some horrible secret that I have to go into hiding? Am I a spy? Social media discrimination is what this is. Frankly, I am offended. I've only acquired Facebook this April and while I've been on Twitter since 2008, it was always satisfying seeing the looks on people whom I've just met when I replied "Nope, I am not on Facebook". I felt empowered. When asked why, I would reply that it was a waste of time and I'd rather be doing something else. Don't think so? Why try self-imposing a Facebook lent week and see just how much time you've saved. How much clearer your perspectives are without the influence of yet another "I look fat" status.

Personally, Facebook is a wet dream central for nosey-parkers and busybodies. Don't lie. You snoop just as much as the next person whenever you see someone relatively attractive tagged on a friend's photo. "Just chilling with Chris So Loco" and go who's that Chris cutie? Why is his page private? Click, click, click and 3 hours later you end up on some youtube video of kittens making doggy sounds or worst, 9gag.

While I don't deny that Facebook has made connecting with friends long-lost or current a lot easier since it's "what the kids are using these days", there's absolutely no need to place unwarranted pressure on owning one. Open an account when you want to and not because society demands that you require this online ID to get through in real life. Like everything else, Facebook in moderation. If you find yourself checking it at least once an hour you're clearly addicted. I only succumbed to opening a Facebook account because it made it easier to collaborate with my classmates on group assignments. And yes, a hell of a lot easier to check up on my exes and their new hookups. Whoops.


Occasional hand model with a taste for adventure.

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